Lacking in general aim or purpose
I thought we were directionless.
In some ways I still do, even though I know it is not true. Technically speaking, we are not lacking in aim or purpose because we know we are right where The Lord wants us in the moment; although at times it can feel overwhelmingly scary. However, as of late, I am constantly reminded that God has a plan for us and I need to stop trying to plan it for myself. It is in our human nature to want to constantly know what it coming next; what is our next great step in life, but that is the beauty of trusting in Christ–it isn’t up to us when we get to know.
Our lives have felt like an upside down, inside out whirlwind since TJ lost his job in November. While God always provides clients for us, we still worry we won’t get enough businesses. Worrying won’t help us get more clients but it will tick away precious moments of our lives. God has provided us clients when we need them and we need to remain faithful to His provision. The one thing our business cannot provide us is health insurance. So, when I applied to a job
that would be *I thought* would be a great fit for me, I was even more excited that it came with full benefits. Health insurance in the US is anything but affordable, and getting quoted $1,000 USD per month for three people was out of our budget; therefore, we are part of the 29 million people in the US who are uninsured. And it sucks. I digress, the job for which I applied appeared to be perfect for me and, above all else, it provided health insurance so I was really hoping to get it. After getting past the automated “your resume isn’t good enough” round, I successfully completed the first phone interview, and the second, I was waiting to hear if I had been selected for the in person interview in Miami. When I received an e-mail last night telling me I was not selected, I was upset.
In reality, I started questioning how badly I wanted the job a few days ago. I had been praying and trying to discern if it would be a good move for our family. While cleaning the galley, I randomly selected a Christian podcast to listen to simply because the name of the interviewee was Lane. It turned out to speak to my heart and the struggle I was in at that moment. My thoughts had been swirling with things like: we need to find a new marina, but our marina here is amazing and we don’t want to leave yet; I would be away from Vivienne anywhere from 10-12 hours every day because of the amount of drive time to Miami from our identified marina; yes, we would have benefits but is it worth being away from Vivienne so much? And what if TJ gets a job that takes him offshore for three weeks or more? Who will watch Vivienne all that time? As you can see, it was a cascading waterfall of thoughts that could drown me, so I picked a podcast to redirect my attention. Boy, did it ever.
There were many quotations that spoke to where I was in that moment and, realistically, still am. We know God called us to live on our boat for the purpose of glorifying him and being a blessing to others. I may have thought this job seemed like the ideal fit for me but it isn’t where God wants me, or us at this time. We are meant to be here, at Saint John’s Yacht Harbor. Sometimes my voice grows louder than the stillness required to listen for God and His words for my life, but that podcast helped me refocus and sit in the stillness. The last few days while I still anxiously awaited word about the job, I was still sitting in stillness and felt a calm about things if I didn’t get the job. Sure, I would be disappointed–and I was–but I also had already accepted that if I didn’t get it that means God has something greater in store for me and my family. There is something He is planning that I haven’t yet seen but it will fit us so much better than that job in Miami when He reveals it to us. My job is to be still and have FAITH–Full Assurance In The Heart–as Lane Etheridge put it.
Then, because God knows our family so well, He sends a messenger.
When we were in Grenada after finishing a yacht delivery for Cruiser Movers, we met a taxi driver. Joe isn’t just a taxi driver though, he is a pastor of a Pentecostal church on the island. God put Him in our lives on that day and He has kept Joe in our lives. Joe took us on a tour of the island and we met his wife and daughter. In fact, his daughter has a restaurant on the island and makes AMAZING food. Anyway, Joe, offered to take some of our business cards and deliver them to local marinas and give some to his friend on a neighboring island. Joe sent TJ an e-mail last night shortly before I received my rejection e-mail. He told us he and his wife had been praying for us, and reminded us that God has been faithful to us and has started a great work in us so be still and know that He is God. Words of encouragement from over 2,000 miles away…from a man we spent roughly 18 hours with over a few days. Joe has a good heart and TJ will get to see him again when he heads back down to Grenada on Sunday.
So here we are, still living at our marina. We are surrounded by marina staff who love Vivienne and are good people, great boat neighbors, and waiting for further direction for our lives. I often forget God has our best interests at heart and we just have to put our full trust in Him. He knows what we most desire and knows what tugs on our hearts. For me, my passion remains to be my writing, but I’m often too afraid to pursue it for fear of judgement and failure. TJ is traveling the world on sailboats and motor yachts. Vivienne gets to go to school and I get to spend all my time with her when she is home. Perhaps I should stop looking for something else to fill my time and enjoy spending as much time as I can with my family; it is a privilege many do not get. I feel a sense of calm knowing God has a direction and a plan for us. His plan and timing are always perfect. I didn’t get this job in Miami because He knows that wasn’t the right fit for our lives but when He does reveal His plan, we will be glad He waited and we trusted.
PS here are some photos from Easter
Lane, TJ, and Vivienne
~~All things are possible for those who believe. -Mark 9:23~~